I hope today’s been a good day for you, whenever you’re reading this that is. In today’s post, I decided to write about the borders, limits, and boundaries that develop in our brain from a young age and become narrower and more defined with growth. I’d like to first define the word “border” which is “an endpoint that can be reached, something that can be allowed”.
Before I begin I just wanted to thank everyone who made this possible, this blog would likely never have existed if not for the people who encouraged me to get my thoughts out. The thing is: I don’t always think I’m right or have incredible mind-blowing opinions. I don’t always feel confident in getting what I feel and think out there. None of these opinions or blog posts are meant to be gospel for everyone, they’re simply the ideas of one very opinionated teenager.
I have an editor which edits these posts, I have an agent and a team behind me which helps me every step of the way. I have parents and friends who also help me be who I am. None of us are 100% self-made, even if we’d like to believe so, no, it’s the people who influence, inspire, motivate, and help us that make us who we are. The stuff that we did to get there is, of course, incredibly important. We are still the captains of our souls, masters of our fate. We can’t let down all the people that have invested time and energy into us but we also can’t let ourselves down, knowing all that both we and other people have done for us.
That being said, it was just a thought I felt was important to share. Here’s what you actually came for:
We all have standards and criteria which influences the way we look at things, people, and the world. Every sociologist and psychologist and other related professional agrees with this. But how often do we wonder if our criteria are relevant? Wonder how logical they really are, how emotionally intelligent they really are?
What do I mean by this? Are they logically sound, can you argue for them well enough for your arguments to stand their ground? Or do you simply base your standards and world view on what you feel and how you’ve been raised? And when I ask if your standards are emotionally intelligent, I’m asking if you’re still making space for emotions, something very innate and natural to us as human beings.
I’m asking if you’re balancing logical arguing and still letting your emotions and subjective experiences shape your standards for the world and your own life? Or do you listen only to your emotions or only to whatever twisted sense of logic you have? Do you only listen to your upbringing, your parents, or your religion? Have you developed your own standards, ones relevant for yourself and the world around you?
Rarely does anyone ask about these things – and we should all do it. These standards, this mindset, these are the borders which most people use to create their standards. We can have criteria for how a body should look, diet, etc. We all have standards for the kind of money we want to be making, the kind of situations we would respect or not respect, the kinds of academic degrees we most admire, however open or close-minded we are, we still have these kinds of ideas.
However, we often use this criteria to judge others, without judging ourselves as much. It’s time we create more criteria for ourselves and less for others. Of course, we should have standards for the kinds of people we date, hang out with and so on, but a focus on ourselves can have amazing benefits. For example, setting the standards that you should exercise for two hours a day and have 3 meals a day. But these standards, these limitations for your free time, don’t have to be for others, rather only for yourself.
You can’t convince everyone around you to do it – or tell them it’s right. We are in the 21st century and if you have not yet realized the fact; “right” and “wrong” do not exist today in the same way they existed in the past, and “different” is becoming increasingly respected.
But this also means you don’t need to set rigorous measures in terms of how your body should look, diet, education, etc. to meet someone else’s criteria. I say this because everywhere in the world and especially in the Balkans, parents and the environment set really scary criteria such as determining the gender of colors, determining the gender of objects, what is and isn’t attractive or cool or lame or stupid and so on.
These standards, these borders or limits are implanted in our brains from the earliest years, and if we don’t do something about it, we grow into this same judgmental, limited people that raised us, if of course the standards we were raised with were very limiting. We all try to meet such criteria because there is a fear of not being accepted by others, fear of punishment, fear of bullying, etc. And it’s all called “normal” here, not realizing how not normal this is, people continue to do the same thing over and over again. These standards are our borders, our limits, the box in which we must reside.
I call it the black hole. A hole from which I found it incredibly hard to came out of and win. While I always note I needed 4 years to come out of it, the reality is that we fight these kinds of things our whole lives. Better start now, right?
At the moment I can say that on the other side of the border it is very nice, calm, serene and people are happy. Things don’t always work out, sometimes we can’t get out of those borders because of brainwashing, indoctrination, fear, especially fear of what other people will do to you if you do. But here, outside of the border everyone realizes that their own happiness and achieving their own goals is the most important thing in life. The road is very long, bumpy, and congested. The grass is just as green here as it is inside the borders, your true self substituted with the validation of others for not being said true self, but inside the borders the green is painted, here it is real and authentic. For any advice, help, or conversation you are free to contact me by going to the contact page or by clicking HERE.
See you on the other side, we’re waiting.